On shopping and my body image

It's another 3 weeks to payday.

Yes, I know the last pay day just came and went. I have many excuses:

1. I just moved here. 
2. I now have to pay rent and had to put in a 2-month deposit as well. 
3. I have had to buy new clothes as I am now working in the "corporate world". 
4. There are many shiny, pretty things in KL that I NEED.
5. I underestimated my projected expenditures. 
6. I overestimated my abilities to be sensible with my money for a whole 6 six weeks. 

Clothes are at the top of my shopping list next month. Followed by a lot of other things, of course. Shoes, handbags, accessories, 4 tickets to STOMP (which cost a frickin' bomb, by the way. But I promised!)

I bought four outfits and two pairs of dress pants for work so far, and scraped together a couple of tops and a dress from my old wardrobe. I'm in my third week and already a bit bored with the same clothes.

It was hard work looking for outfits in my size, (I'm now a UK 16). I had lots of ideas of the kinds of outfits I wanted, and did come across lots of nice pieces in various shops. Unfortunately, most of them were for smaller people, and this observation has become my strongest motivation to lose weight. I looked in Marks and Spencers and BINGO! Not only did they have my size, they had skirts that ended just below the knee.

I have a few thoughts on shopping here, following my shopping "spree".

• Fuck you, "Free Size"!

• I may be big but contrary to Malaysian belief, looking cute is not restricted to sizes XS, S, M and L. and L being a UK size 8.

• If Malaysians are so critical about clothes that reveal too much, I blame the shops. I could only find skirts that ended above the knee. Or higher. 

In one of my newly-bought outfits

• Why is it so hard to find clothes for bigger people? Especially sports wear. Someone needs to sell gym clothes for big people, okay? What are they supposed to wear to exercise? Underwear?

• XXXL is a cruel, four-letter word. I prefer the number system, which is less discriminatory, and has standard measurements. 

• There seems to be a cultural gap between a lot of sales people and I. "Miss, you should wear black because it is slimming." Luckily, this was said to me at a time when I could find it amusing, but I do hope one day, an expat or tourist would slap them unconscious for being so rude. I have also been told, "Miss, if you lose 5 kilo, you can come back and try again." I'm sorry, I wasn't aware this was a modelling agency. 

I think I had more, but those were my main annoyances. 

It was about last year when I looked back and realised that when I was a UK size 10, I was considered a giant by those around me. When I was size 12, I was still a giant, and this time a fat one. Now, I'm going to ignore those opinions and say, "Fuck you, tiny Asians" and enjoy being whatever size I am.

Of course it would be nice to be slim and lean, but I'm a happier person when I appreciate what I have, and know that confidence will always be the right size.